Congratulations Rangers, and Now We’re Moving On

Mavericks open training camp today.  It’s good to be back*.

*No.  You still can’t have our seats at the front of the Ranger’s bus.  We earned those.

Dear Newbie Ranger Fans

Now is your last chance.  It’s time to get on the bus.  This bandwagon’s almost full.  While it is far too late to get an upfront seat like we have here at STN, there is a chance that some nice soul will let you hang on with your crisp new ballcap and Nelson Cruz jersey.  The rest of us at the front are rocking the sweat stained caps and Steve Buechele home whites while we recount the days of cheap seats in the outfield at Arlington stadium where we could heckle our own players.  We’re looking at you, Ruben Sierra.

So hop aboard now, cause we don’t want to be high-fiving strangers during the world series.

We’re In, Baby!

Al West Champs

Tebow

Okay, everyone is writing about Tebow, and while we don’t have much insight into what he might do/be as a football player, we do think he’s an interesting story for another reason.  By nearly all accounts, Tebow’s primary asset that he had going for him was his personality.  He is described as a hard worker, a leader, respectful of his teammates, someone who is coachable, who wants to win at almost any cost, but not at the cost of his integrity or his sportsmanship.  Off the field, his chronicles are equally well known.  He goes on mission trips, he gives motivational speeches, he supports charitable and conservative Christian causes.

Yup, that’s right.  Being not an asshole is apparently so hard to find, that it can be considered an asset.  Being a decent person is now a commodity!  Really, we applaud Tebow for his efforts, but what we’re absolutely not in favor of is raising his off the field accomplishments to a new level simply because the bar for big time athletes is so low.  There are countless more people in this world who give far more time and money and energy to causes which will never benefit them.

By overcelebrating what Tebow has done we are also celebrating him for what he hasn’t done.  He hasn’t (to our knowledge) coerced men or women into sexual activity, gambled on his own sport, taken drugs or PEDS, or led a dogfighting ring.  We lionize him as much for what he is as for what he is not.

The danger in valorizing Tebow’s off the field actions to such an extreme extent is that his behavior somehow comes to be seen as abnormal.  When we celebrate his charity and decentness like they are rare pieces of humanity only to be found in the best of people, we subtly reinforce the behavior of people who aren’t like Tim as the norm.

So yes, Tebow does undeniably good things, but let’s not pretend that he is somehow better because he’s NOT Ben Roethlisberger or Tiger Woods.  You’re not supposed to be those guys, and most of us normal people aren’t.  Most of us-most of the people we know-are much closer to Tebow than we are to Ben or Tiger.  This doesn’t make us all saints.  It makes us all, Tebow included, normal.

Babies and Basketball

We always hear about these women who return to sports just a short time or so after giving birth.  For instance, Marion Jones was hailed as courageous for joining the WNBA just 8 months after giving birth (see story here: http://sports.espn.go.com/wnba/news/story?id=4981213).

I don’t see what the big deal is.  My son was born just 10 days ago, and I played 90 minutes of full court basketball last night with no trouble.  When I told the guys I was playing with that I missed the last few games due to the birth of my son, they were all congratulatory, but none of them seemed surprised.  I don’t get it.

NCAA Bracket

Tiger Woods

We here at STN have obtained an exclusive transcript of Tiger Wood’s announcement tomorrow.  While it appears that he did not take our advice to open the show with Dan Bern’s “Tiger Woods”, we will assume that he wants us to.  So here it is (and keep in mind that this song originally came out in 2007).

And without further ado, here’s what Tiger will say tomorrow:

Good morning.  As you are all aware…November 27…regret incidents of infidelity…Elin is wonderful, strength, courage…apologize to her, my family, my fans, anyone else who breathes and might spend money on me or the stuff I sell.  I’ll work hard to earn back what I’ve lost…blah blah blah.

It has become clear to me that I have a sex addiction…treatement…ongoing process.  Ask for support from fans though this very difficult process.

Ask that privacy be respected during this time…So this is the last that I’ll speak of it.  Any questions, (by the way if you ask any that are off script, you’ll never be allowed to speak to me again).

Yes, Mike (Wilbon), I’ll return to playing golf the week before the Master’s at blah blah blah.  I owe it to my fans and sponsors and the tour to get back out there.

Okay, no others?  Great.  Thanks for coming.  I hate you all.

Distinctions II: I Know It’s Raining ‘Cause I’m Wet

This time of year you will hear countless football analysts on T.V. saying the following: The better team usually beat the worse team.

Stunning analysis, huh?

Now you may be saying to yourself, “Self.  I’ve never heard anyone on T.V. say that at all.  They give me reasons why one team will beat another or some insight into how the game will be played.”

But if we look closer at what they say, we’ll find that they don’t really give us any analysis at all.  Let’s just start with the biggest one.

In the playoffs, the team that gets the most turnovers wins the game 94% of the time.

Okay, so I made that number up.  Still, you get the idea.  But here’s my point.  The team that forces the other team to turn the ball over IS THE BETTER TEAM!!!  If the two teams were indeed equal, then we could perhaps claim that the turnovers will win/lose the game, but they are so rarely equal.  Teams don’t win because of the turnovers.  They win because they have better players and coaches.  Turnovers are a byproduct of smarter, better coached, more athletic players.  They  don’t just occur randomly.  Most of the time they are forced when a superior player dislodges, dismembers or otherwise separates an inferior player from the ball.

Once you notice this flaw it’ll be hard not to see it.  You’re welcome.  I just ruined football broadcasts for you.  Now, you’ll never be able to hear someone say “The team with the lead at the end of the first quarter goes on to win the game 194% of the time” without thinking to yourself.  Yeah, no shit.  The team that scores the most points in the first 1/4 of the game probably scored them because they’re better than the other team.

Well, Crap!

I tried not to care.  That lasted 11 games.  I’m totally wrapped up.  I love this team.

I love Roddy Buckets.  I love the 85 year old PG we have who just does every thing right.  I love Dirk’s new drives to the basket and his weird combination of FU attitude and WowdidIreallyjustmakethatclutchbasket face, I LOVE Carlisle’s hair-I mean it’s never out of place and yet it doesn’t look all Jimmy Johnsonish, I love that we win without half our team playing, I love that Drew Gooden upheld his reputation as a goofball by falling down on the game-winning play last night despite NEVER GETTING TOUCHED.  I love it all.  JJ, the Jet, even Damp (so far).  I especially love the other half of STN’s favorite player-Bowflex.

I know.  I know they’ll let me down.  Rationally, I can look at this team and understand that they’re NOT going to win the championship.  That our realistic ceiling for this year is the second round of the playoffs.  But I tell you what, I’d rather root for this team, that I love but won’t win, than I would for the whiney arrogant bitchy Celtics or the ego driven Los Angeles Kobe’s and God knows I’m not going to root for any team with Shaq on it or the shit-don’t-stink Spurs.

I know one of those teams will win.

I don’t care.

MFFL!

Mavs Outlook 2009-10: Bucks

Yes, we know the Bucks are in the Eastern Conference, but we’ll have to play them twice this year (spoiler alert: they’re not making the Finals).

You may or may not be aware (you are probably not, we understand) that their top draft pick Brandon Jennings has been playing relatively well.  There was some concern that Jennings might fall out of the lottery as his pre-draft workouts were poor and he ran his mouth a lot.  Here’s why the Bucks decided to go ahead and draft Jennings, from an article by Chad Ford:

“Jennings has so much upside,” a Bucks source told me hours before the draft. “Sometimes you have to gamble a little. The great teams take calculated risks. I think we need to take a calculated risk.”

Right.  So let’s take a look at the “great” teams of the past couple of decades: Pistons, Spurs, Celtics, Lakers, Mavs (in no particular order).  These team didn’t become great because Shaq might blossom in the right situation or because, given the right coaching, Tim Duncan might just turn out okay.  Even the personnel moves that didn’t immediately seem like slam dunks to the majority of people (Parker, Bryant, Dirk, Ginobili), were only underrated because people had never heard of them.  They weren’t long shots.  Teams didn’t draft them because they hoped they would do well.  They were not “gambling” on “upside.”  No, they were outworking, outsmarting and outscouting everyone to find these players and make the right decisions.

Great teams don’t luck into it, they get help from the refs (see: Lakers/Kings Game 6 2002).  I kid, I kid.  But hey, if you’re a gambling person like the Bucks front office, then by all means, place some money on them when they play the Mavs later this month.  We’ll be glad to take your money.